Many people feel deeply alone and find it very difficult to discuss or even admit.

Loneliness is not simply a lack of company but a deep-down ache around unmet connection.

There is a dissonance between the relationships we have and the relationships we actually long for.

In this article we will look at what loneliness is along with the causes and how it psychologically affects us and not to forget its emotional toll.

Loneliness is a subjective emotional state. Often it doesn’t depend on being physically alone, as many people can feel lonely amongst other people such as in crowds, public spaces and social scenarios including work places or within a marriage. It’s more about the perceived absence of a meaningful and fulfilling connection or relationship.

There are various types of loneliness

Emotional loneliness: missing or yearning a close friend or the fun that you had with that close friend, like a romantic partner, a best friend especially when you were younger or even a confidant.

Social loneliness: basically, having no friends and lacking a broader circle of expected friends or the lack of a community to engage with.

Existential loneliness: a much deeper and psychological sense or awareness that we really are alone in the world, a spiritual or philosophical aloneness or disconnection and is often accompanied with a depressive overview of your place in this world.

Transient loneliness can be a natural part of your life whereas chronic loneliness can lead to real emotional and mental harm.

The causes of loneliness:

Many people will think that a person who is lonely may be lonely because they are actually alone due to the fact that they are not mixing or socialising with others but this is not always true. Solitude doesn’t always mean loneliness as many people who are not lonely seek out solitude.

Feelings of loneliness has many roots and it’s not always noticeable or obvious.

Life transitions: This can mean experiences of divorce, the losing of a soulmate, end of life work retirement or moving to a new home or even the death of a loved one, can disorder and disrupt our social mental state.

Technology: Equally our digital tools such as access to the Internet and our social media accounts can both connect us and isolate us at the same time. Hundreds of online followers and likes in many cases cannot replace that one person who listened to us so deeply.

Cultural shifts: Individualistic societies, that’s a society that often prioritises self-reliance over community, and discourages in a supple way vulnerability and connection.

Mental health: Mental health is vast and includes anxieties, depression and traumas from the past that hasn’t healed, unresolved pain, loss of loved one, family and friends can make reaching out to others less familiar feel overwhelming or even unsafe.

Stigma: Openly speaking about feelings of loneliness or admitting to loneliness can feel like confessing a flaw or a weakness and for some people who have relied upon an independent pride-like demeanour can lead to feelings of shame and this shame silences people from those who most need support.

The effects of loneliness: It’s more than just a mere feeling!

Loneliness isn’t just an emotional feeling or issue; it’s a whole-body experience with rippling effects throughout.

Physical health: Some studies have shown that severe or chronic loneliness is as harmful as smoking a packet of cigarettes a day as it increases the risk of heart disease, inflammation and even early death.

Mental health: Loneliness can fuel an exasperate anxiety, depression and feelings of worthlessness and the more isolated we actually feel the harder it can become to reconnect to people.

Cognitive function: Older adults who are constantly lonely and have either no one or very few people in their life face a greater risk of cognitive decline and even dementia.

Spiritual disconnection: When we feel separated from other people, we often lose touch with a deeper sense of purpose or belonging to something greater.

Loneliness for many is an unpleasant feedback loop which leads to withdraw, isolation and for some reclusiveness which then again leads to even further deeper feelings of loneliness.

Loneliness versus solitude

Not all alone time is a lonely time!

When we choose solitude ourselves it’s a very liberating and a powerful state and it allows us to reflect, recharge and realign. Many people including professionals need to withdraw and be alone such as writers or artists who naturally cultivate solitude daily to help with concentration and focus and deepen their creativity insight and practises. In contrast, loneliness feels imposed upon, forced upon us like we’ve been rejected or abandoned by others and often brings on a form of suffering which differs for each individual and it certainly does not bring on a serenity.

Healing loneliness:

1.  The first stage is to acknowledge loneliness and by saying to yourself I feel lonely, which breaks the internal silence. It moves the experience from shame to recognition.

2.  Reconnect with the self. We can feel less alone when we turn our minds inward and practise mindfulness, breath work, journaling or spiritual practises can help us to cultivate a compassion and presence.

3.  Build small bridges, a brief conversation with a neighbour, joining a local group, volunteering is a great way to meet people and create openings for new relationships from similar like-minded people. Connections with others starts with consistent small steps at a time.

4.  Instead of waiting to be invited, take the initiative. Start a complementary conversation with someone and create a form of gathering or a group. Be the person who dares to reach out for others who were also experiencing loneliness.

5.  Obtaining professional support in the form of therapists, counsellors or even support groups with similar like-minded people can provide space to explore the routes of your own inner loneliness and why you’ve become lonely, what led to this and develop practical strategies to address this.

The spiritual side of loneliness

At a very deep level, loneliness can be a call to spiritual awakening. It strips away distractions and invites us to delve deeper into ourselves and for some perhaps something greater.

In mystical traditions, the dark night of the soul is a period of profound loneliness or aloneness that prepares for spiritual transformation. Many people who have had a spiritual awakening will refer to what’s called the dark night of the soul where all the mind related toxins and poisons surface and a self-healing takes place. From this viewpoint loneliness is not a detour but more of a passage with a destination.

Through this process we may discover a deeper source of connexion that goes beyond the logical thinking mind. Sometimes loneliness is a gateway to compassion.

The final word

Many folk are ashamed and even embarrassed to admit they are alone and feel it. Loneliness is not a weakness but it’s more of a message, a cry for deeper belonging or a call to return to ourselves, to each other.

The next time you feel alone or experience feelings of aloneness, try not to hide or run away from it, sit with it and listen. Let it teach you and when you are ready, reach out, not just to be filled but to offer someone else the very thing you crave which will lead you to make a connection.

Disclaimer

This article is for educational and informational purposes only and must not be used or taken as a substitute in any form for medical, psychological advice or medication you are taking without the advice from your medical doctor. Please speak with your GP/doctor first before making any changes to your diet or medicine as a result of reading this information laid out in this article.

Copyright – therapyregister.net

Please feel free to link to this post. Please do not copy. No reproduction is permitted.